She Begged God for a Sign

I came to my house I went up to my bedroom I closed the door my bedroom was dim I got on my knees and I prayed. I said, “Jesus, if you are the Messiah reveal yourself to me right now. I need a sign.” There were times that I’d be lying in my bed and wondering ‘where is God?’, ‘where am I going?’, ‘is there a heaven?’, ‘is there a hell?’ I feared death and I feared what came afterward.  But in my home, it was more tradition.  Somehow, it was always what the rabbi said was good, so everything was covered over. If Jews didn’t do too many bad things everything would be fine. We didn’t hear Scripture like Daniel chapter 12, that spoke about some going to everlasting life and some going to everlasting contempt. I learned that all Jews go to heaven, there’s no such thing as hell, hell is only a place, you know, you send somebody when you’re mad at them. So this fear that I would have inside would always be answered by the traditional answers of the rabbi’s.

I remember that night when I went to the University, to where students hang out, and I saw two people sitting at the table, and it’s a friend, I don’t know him well but I know him from high school. He’s sitting with Jack and I sat down and we started to speak. Jack was a real gentle guy. He was. We were speaking about a lot of things; about psychology, about school, about life in general, and then he turned to me and he said very gently, “You know, if you don’t believe in Jesus Christ you’re going to hell.”  I go home and told my mom, “Mom would you believe that I just met this guy, a Jewish guy, and he tells me that I have to believe in Jesus Christ otherwise I’m going to hell.” She said, “Sharon he’s a nut.  Stay away.” Within a year and a half, Jack and I were married.

You know every once in a while Jack would tell me about Jesus and about Paul and I would say to him, “You can tell me anything you want about the Bible, but don’t mention Jesus and don’t mention Paul.”  I would go into my car as I went to work and I would turn on the radio and I would hear them speak about Jesus.  It was quite amazing hearing these Gentile preachers because, in fact, I would think, “How is it that they know more about my God than I do?  How is it that they can quote scripture and use scripture and speak about sin and righteousness and blood atonement? These are concepts that Jews should be speaking about. We have Passover but we don’t even speak about the blood atonement.  How is it that they had more?” This is what attracted me to them.  This is what drew me. There was a truth behind these words that I needed to know.  On one program I was listening to Chuck Swindoll was talking about Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob.  He was talking about how there was this generational lying that went on.  Abraham lied,  Isaac lied, and Jacob lied. You know what Jews are sinners just as much as Gentiles. To hear this man speak about Jews and their need for a savior, their need for coverage for their sin, was great because I thought, “Well God is a just God. We have all sinned. We all need the Savior. We all need that covering from God.”

I remember the tears were pouring down that day in my living room as I as I realized that truth. I started to read the scriptures and I read through the Psalms and I heard David’s cry in his heart. He said Lord, “I love you and I love your law.” I thought to myself, “How does a king of Israel love God like that and love his law? I want to love.  Is it possible to love God outside of the rules and the regulations?” I wanted to know him. As the weeks went on the struggle just grew more and more because I wanted to be sure that Jesus really was the Messiah. Because you wanted to be honest with your God and you wanted to know “Is he really God? Is he really the Messiah?” I don’t want to make a mistake because I want to honor God. Enough. One afternoon while I was driving home with my three kids in the car I was so immersed in this difficulty in coming to terms with Jesus as the Messiah. I went to my house and I went up to my bedroom. I closed the door. My bedroom was dim.  I got on my knees and I prayed. I said, “Jesus if you are the Messiah, reveal yourself to me right now. I need a sign.”  There was a very dim light that rose from the bottom floor and up.  As that light rose so did every burden off my shoulder rise with it. It was an amazing experience.  From that point on for six weeks, I was elated. I was joyful inside. I came outside and I saw the trees for the first time. There was truly a creator. 

Now I know with certainty where I am going. I know that he has a house prepared for me. We know from Scripture that love casts out all fear and the love of Yeshua is so great that it casted out any fear.  I feel totally accepted even in my inadequacies with the Lord.  I feel totally accepted because he showed his love and his forgiveness and he teaches us what true forgiveness is really all about.

Sharon Gabizon supports One for Israel.